I may continue doing this blogging thing since I seem better able to communicate through this than out loud.
On My Mind:: My Birthday weekend
As of May 3, 2009 I am officially no longer a teenager. I don't really feel that much different yet been too concentrated on finishing up school strong among other things. But I really enjoyed my birthday weekend my bests made it the best one I ever had. Yeah it did get a bit crazy but for the most part it was the best I ever had.
As a result of my crazy birthday truths were revealed. I revealed a truth about one of my bests friends and I'm really sorry about that. The call seemed to have triggered it because I was kind of gone.
Also a truth was revealed about me. Not from me though, but by another of my best friends and I wasn't trying to come at you in fact I thank you for that, seriously. I really couldn't bring myself to say it. I wronged one [in a way all of them] of my bestest, oldest friends. I knew what I did was wrong. I don't know why really I did it, I think I really did fall for the talk like you said. [But even though I did fall for it I still knew and I still did it]. Because that is something I wouldn't ever believe me to do. I went against myself because I didn't believe in doing that to a friend, whether a close friend or not and I did it to one of the closest people to me. I am so so really sorry.
It was wrong not telling you in the beginning, but I made it worse by taking so long to say anything after. It's not my fault, well it is but I mean like I really, really, couldn't tell you. I am not a confrontational person like so serious. You were saying how to talk to one of our friends when me and another one was having problems and then how I didn't even talk to you about what I did. Well, I never talked about the problems with our other friend with her. I know it would be good. I know all this. But it is the hardest thing for me to do is to confront someone. That's why I feel you and like all the rest of our friends our lucky in that you guys are able to confront people, like I wish I could do that. Yeah, I'm real shy and quiet [mostly if I don't know someone] but I am outgrowing it little by little. But I still can't confront people I only did it once only because my friendship with you was important to me. Even then though it still took me 3x as long to finally do it. I really am sorry for all of this, especially that I ended up hurting you.
Dead and gone...
I know you care and it's hard for you because I know you well enough to know that you were really holding back at me. I really do love all you guys no lie. And seriously without all you guys I have no life, but I brought it on myself, which I still can't understand.